real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
