Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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