So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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