omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
