did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
