pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
third nipple confirmed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
