Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
