You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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