I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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