Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
