Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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