Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
