Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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