If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
