That's when you crack a 10am beer
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You left your phone here
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