two words: eviction party
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
