i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
