Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
