so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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