so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My vagina just recognized that song.
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I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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