Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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