is your mom at the bar?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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