Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
