hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
