i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
