this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
