It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
