We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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