I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
