he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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