i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
