the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
