you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!