I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.