If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys