Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
