he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
