why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall