Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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