I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.