I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
