We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
