i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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