is your mom at the bar?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
