I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was confusing and full of hummus
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
