Will you blow on my dice?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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