DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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