I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
