We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
being pregnant is like rehab
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, beer. Big fan.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
