I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
