I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
