Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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