i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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