ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
organizing the empties. That sober.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
