i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
