believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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