i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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