too bad you live with your parents still
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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