Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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