If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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