My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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