I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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