There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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