Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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