We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
