Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
