talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
