You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
