i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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