butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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