I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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