i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
how does that bad decision feel?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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