there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
