do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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