I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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