I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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