Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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