Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
