omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You brought string cheese to the strip club
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
