it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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